Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Letter To My Doctor

I swear I don’t do illegal drugs or drink
But you say I still need to see a shrink
And the doctor wants me to do his legal ones
He’s got me stuck and stunned
The doctor lying to me tryna take away my fun
While his pocket runs up a check for his funds
Laughing at me, while diagnosing me with anything that pleases his pockets
But everything you say gots me hurt like bones popping out my sockets
Forget the lexapro and the abilify and any other antidepressant
I know I’m nothing in your eyes only a low life peasant
And I know your life is great, it’s super fluorescent  
But don’t think I’m stupid just because I’m an adolescent
So take back your drugs because I don’t need them anymore
And I’ll take the side effects like a man, so what I need them for
Go ahead and write down I’m unstable in the brain
Lie to the people and tell them I’m insane
With or without them I feel the same
Nothing can counteract the pain
So what doc? I’m expecting more days of rain?
But I’m just going to take it day by day
I won’t let my soul die and decay
So I don’t care what you say
You're the biggest Pablo Escobar of them all
Scary thing is you're allowed to do it anywhere in the halls
The writing is everywhere it’s written on the walls
Well I hope your business dies and falls
Because you don't me, so stop judging
You not perfect either and I bet you stay misjudging
And did you even know that every 16.2 seconds a suicide happens
So obviously the pills aren't doing its job so what's happening?
That stat is disgusting it’s honestly really blackening
That’s why I stopped the pills and choose rapping
So let me tell you something else that might be flattening
I see you in your new cadillac
Getting rich of me while I’m sitting on the bus in the back
Possibly crying while on my P’s and Q’s ready to be attacked
But please don’t give me no flack
Remember I’m on your “legal” drugs
I’m supposed to be happy and giving hugs
And everyone showing lots of love
But we both know the truth
This stuff you sell to me, saying it’s bullet proof
And it’s going to protect me like a hurricane roof
But I mean look at me I am living proof
The drugs don’t work
On them or off them I still might go berserk
Do you hear me?! I’m telling you the medicine doesn’t work
Still paranoid that any day I can murked
Or is that just another side effect
Thinking of death as my mind hits a wreck
Nobody can keep me in control or checked
Telling me without the drugs I'll definitely go left
But what's wrong with not following everyone's foot steps
I’m me, and I don’t want nothing changing me
Especially your meds, so I don’t care if I fall to my knees
I’m going to do it my way and my body will be clean of your evil
So call me a dare devil an “Evil Knievil”
For not taking what you want me to take, are my ways really that medieval
So stop feeding off my money like a weevil
I’m going to live my life my way
Because on average there's  117 suicides per day
The second leading causing death of my age
And I usually choose to go out by downing your pills you gave me at that stage
...Of my life, so let me hop on my bike
Too poor to afford a car because all my money goes to you, and that aint right
Trying to “cure” me mentally with no time table in sight
Telling me that’s ok, a lot of people live the rest of their lives on pills and they have no gripe
Knowing as he tells me, he sees his pockets getting fatter
So Doctor please skip the chatter
I know all you doing is beating on me as if I’m batter
Inside my body full of pain and yours is full of laughter
As my life is hanging of from the rafters
Nah, I’m serious I’m actually lifeless hanging from the rafters
So my story comes to an end, with no more chapters
This isn’t a cry out for help
I’m not asking for a review of my life
So I’m going to put down the knife
And show you I can live it with with no strifes
I know it’s going to be a fight
But I threw away your poison in the garbage
Before I threw it down my throat because what you're doing is a carnage
Because all your patients are all targets
That’s why I’m getting out your pathway of darkness

*You are not alone with this battle of suicide. A Lot of people go through it you're not alone
And there will be days of sunshine after the days of darkness. Don’t be afraid to talk about
It with people you love. But if you don’t have anybody call this hotline 1-800-273-8255.
Or message me and we can talk. Have a better day today.

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